how pain can flow into freedom

Hello my dear friends.

Suffering is a definite part of life, but I could argue that many times it’s avoidable.

We were created to explore our feelings, to accept them and allow their presence. To give ourselves a chance to stop and breathe through the stinging pain, sadness and dull aches in life, so that we can transition into a soul-fulfilling newness and joy.

Man, feelings and repetitive thoughts can be so painful. I know that for a fact, from years of experience. So, today I’m telling you not to push them away, but to let them flow through you. To allow their presence in your minds and bodies and souls.

It may sound downright impossible to do so (maybe you’ve never allowed them before), but every time we push the pain away or avoid the feelings we’re feeling, or smother them in cheese sauce or chocolate, drugs or alcohol, they don’t disappear. They aren’t going to just walk away, they are going to come back, demanding much more attention, just like a kid who wants their parent’s attention gets louder and louder until they feel they’ve been heard.

Think of it this way. The pain, the feelings, they do want your attention. They want to be allowed in your body and soul, so that they can be released and healed. Does that sound counterintuitive? Remember my kid example, and let that run through your mind a few more times. 🙂

Sometimes you get a feeling, and then your brain instantly goes, “remember that? that’s because you messed up so bad.” Sometimes these old stories are what keeps us stuck in suffering.

Next time you get a painful, familiar feeling, expect that your brain is going to feed some sort of story that you might automatically believe.

Now try this: say “that’s just a story,” and take a deep breath, and allow that painful feeling to just be what it is, release into it, without any judgments. At least drop the gut instinct to shove it somewhere where it can’t hurt you. I understand it can feel so incredibly intense. If it is, try this – rest a loving hand over your chest, and on your stomach, gently rub your chest, and in that moment give kindness, gentleness, and understanding to yourself.

Now doesn’t that make you feel better, darlings? The great news is we’re never stuck. We can set ourselves free from the pain and suffering we may be creating by not allowing these painful emotions space in our bodies and minds.

We can have new beginnings even when we’ve been stuck in repetitive pains and frustrations for weeks, or even years. And the good news is, the more and more you opt to release to this, you are opening your heart, and using courage to create the best life for yourself. You are accepting all facets of humanhood (the rough spots and the weaknesses, the joys and the dullnesses). The amazing result of this is that it will open new doors that you never thought possible in your own life.

The more we resist our current experience, emotion, etc., the more slowly we grow, heal and recover.

You can do it. You can start a new story that reminds you of your value and worth, and your goodness. Because you do matter, and you are so worthy of your own love and care.

(See a few wonderful resources: All Feelings Are Welcome & Breathe Into The Pain.
Also – Finding God in the Pain)

Love to you today, M.

I want to add, for those of you who also suffer from anxiety and depression, there’s so much hope and support out there. If this is especially challenging, get some professional assistance with this. You know, a therapist (a word that’s so stigmatized in this society), or counselor, or life coach, or social worker. The people God put on this earth to support and simplify the beauty and complexity of human lives and minds, and create peace in this world. The right trusted professional will help you get stronger, and help you develop clarity and peace from within, and you deserve that you beautiful little gem, you!

Also, check out the incredibly beautiful, Kristin Neff and her work on Self-Compassion – self-compassion.org.

we are magic and free

I wrote a text to my soul-sister, kindergarten bestie, tonight.

I felt compelled to tell her about her beauty and what it really means to be alive. And how I feel like I’ve experienced such a painful, beautiful time of soul-searching and self-acceptance and love; a time of counseling and introduction to medicine, a time of meeting the true, real, and amazing love of my life and growing in trust and understanding of the magic of being alive, so that’d share this with those I love most, and support them using the wisdom I’d earned.

Society has a sick way of telling us what to believe, and us doing just that, without question. I have this stat that I made up in my head that if I were to guess, probably 40% of people go through their lives lost in a trap of marketing, and societal pressures and never really explore the true essence of life and their personal purpose, which is completely unique and designed for that beautiful human, if they have the strength to endure the up’s and down’s.

And if they never disconnect from this though, they are raising children who will be more likely to be raised by parents like this, over and over, and ooooovvver.

And so it goes on.

Women being taught to hate their bodies at 5 years old, already covering themselves in makeup and wanting praise from men in order to feel worthy (btw, we ARE worthy. Period.), and looking at skinny Barbie dolls as though that’s how the woman’s body is designed to be for everyone.

Men told to never befriends their emotions, to not enjoy the femininity of life (the natural beauty of a woman, the color pink), and that the only way to get a girl is to masturbate 5x a week (to porn, of course).

Hello… we all have different genes, mental health histories, health histories, lifestyles, personalities, etc. etc. etc., so how do we expect anyone to be able to look and act like everyone else? It’s virtually impossible.

Don’t be a afraid to be different. And don’t hate on your natural being just because another person can’t understand you or won’t bother. If they aren’t willing to give you a moment of their 8-hour, boring office-job day, then they aren’t worth your concern.

You… and I mean you, I don’t care if you have really fucked up, you have essential goodness inside of you. You have the capability to choose love over hate, to change and grow beyond what you know and have experienced, and you deserve to take care of you, and explore what you’re meant for. Trust in the magic of life, itself (and I’d add, God).

You are held in this world. Even if you feel completely alone. Don’t abandon yourself and this life. Have courage, sweethearts. Believe in something above yourself. You are loved, capable, and courageous.

So start loving, and accepting, and being kind to yourself, and let your wings begin to spread, so that you can fly to your highest essence. No two days are the same, and things change, many times for the better!

Love to you,
M.

method: roasted whole chicken

Waste not, want not.

I lost my taste for chicken (and several other meats) during a mainly-vegetarian period in my life. In all honesty, it was easy to avoid chicken because during this time the “healthy” way to eat it was a frozen, dry, flavorless, boneless, skinless chicken breast.

So when I chose to integrate meat into some of my meals, I discovered the ridiculously simple secret of making a homemade rotisserie-style, fall-off-the-bone-juicy chicken in my crockpot, I said “goodbye” to boneless and skinless, and “hello” to flavor.

What I love most about this affordable and simple recipe is what you get out of it. It typically yields around 6 cups of chicken, and around 4 cups of fresh chicken stock. That means I am able to freeze several containers of chicken and stock to put into my meals in the upcoming weeks or months, so I save time and energy during those incredibly busy times. There’s only one catch – you have to get your hands dirty, and clean the meat off the bones/carcass.

There’s no way around it – a chicken has bones and skin. I think it’s time we get back to our roots. I personally believe that if you eat meat, you should respect the animal, and whenever possible, choose meat that has been raised sustainably and humanely – never exploiting land or animals. When you can appreciate the chicken and how it provides for you, you appreciate the value of the meat and you make good use of it all, and make it stretch!

Each week, we eat meatless meals and most of the time, we serve meat as an addition to a meal and not the primary focus. This way you are still getting the protein you need (which you don’t need much meat to even accomplish), and you are treading more lightly on the earth and your body.

Anywho my friends –  if you can spread a little goodness and appreciate a chickadee today, here’s how to prepare it and share it with those you love.

—

ingredients
2lb antibiotic, cage free, whole chicken (I buy Never Any! from Aldi)
1 lemon
seasoning mixture
salt & pepper (plenty)
paprika
parsley
lemon pepper
turmeric
your favorite herbs & spices

prepping & seasoning the chicken
To prepare the chicken, pull out the giblets packet that is tucked inside the cavity of the chicken, and dispose.

Next, roll a lemon back and forth on the counter (this releases the juices inside). Chop it in half and put the lemon inside the cavity of the chicken.

Set the chicken inside of the crockpot. You may choose to prop up the legs of the chicken using two tin-foil balls (about an inch in diameter) for crispier skin.

Now that the chicken is resting in the crockpot, liberally season the chicken with salt, pepper, paprika, parsley, lemon pepper, and turmeric (I put this in everything – it has little flavor but lots of health!), followed by your favorite herbs and spices. Have fun with it!

Generally I season the chicken to enhance it’s flavor, but I don’t add any overpowering flavors, so that it can be used in many different dishes.

However, if you know that you’re going to use it for specific recipes, say Mexican food – you could add cumin, chili powder, and cilantro, or if for a roast chicken with vegetables, you could add thyme, rosemary, and an extra grating of salt and pepper. It’s quite customizable, which makes me happy!

low and slow for 4-5 hours
That’s it! Now turn the crockpot to high, for 4-5 hours.

how to know when it’s done
When it’s finished, the top skin will be crispy and golden, and there will be lovely golden broth on the bottom of the crock. A good test is to pull on the chicken leg, and if it completely gives and falls off the bone, you know you’ve got it right!

let it cool… or not
Turn off the crockpot and remove the lid, and either forget about it and come back a few hours later (play a board game or play with your kids or your favorite animal(s), take a nap OR accidentally fall asleep with it in the kitchen all night and wake up at 4am, jump out of bed and set the whole thing in the fridge (which I am not recommending), or, also like me, impatiently pull it apart while simultaneously eating the hot chicken (again not recommended). The choice is yours, sweethearts.

The next appropriate step would be to gently pull the entire chicken out of the crockpot, and rest it on a large plate. Now, carefully remove the meat from the bones. It’s up to you how you do it, and how much you choose to eat at this point. Either way, even if you make a mess or eat nearly all of it, I say you’re still a lovable human, and hey – you’re learning, right?

strain and obtain (broth that is!)
When things have cooled down, make sure all large objects have been removed from the crockpot, and place a strainer over a large bowl. Carefully pour or ladle the chicken drippings/broth through the strainer, and press a spoon into the strainer to ensure you get every last bit of broth. Refrigerate or freeze for later.

Now it’s ready to add to your dish, be eaten with a side of roasted veggies, or be frozen immediately for use later this week or month. Isn’t this an empowering task, buds?

Questions? Leave me a comment.

Love to you today, M.

scalloped potatoes with roasted ham, parmesan and cheddar sauce & crispy garlicky onion topping

This makes an incredibly rich and satisfying dish, that’s great with a light salad. The onion topping was inspired by a small leftover onion I had sliced in the fridge that was waiting to befriend the next dish I made, so I thought I’d try it in the potatoes, and it was a game-changer!

ingredients
2 lb. bag of small organic red potatoes
2 cups chopped ham (frozen leftovers from the holidays)
4 tbsp butter
2 tbsp flour
2 cups milk (almond also works well)
2 cups shredded cheddar, plus an extra sprinkle for the top of the dish
1 cup grated parmesan cheese
1 tbsp garlic power
1/4 cup dried parsley

for the crispy garlicky onion topping (optional)
1 tbsp olive oil
1 small onion, sliced
dried parsley, onion power, garlic powder, salt and pepper (plenty of – as much or as little as you like)
1/4 cup grated parmesan cheese

Grab a mandolin, and after you’ve given your potatoes a good scrub, thinly slice the potatoes, the long way or the short way (we’re not picky around here). Grab two large plates and line them with some paper towel. Set the potato slices on the paper-toweled plates and give them plenty of salt and pepper. Let those rest for a good 30 minutes so that the excess liquid from the potatoes comes out. This will give us soft and delicious potatoes for the dish (and not crispy and raw).

If you love onions, the onion topping really seals the deal and takes the flavors up a notch. While the potatoes are resting, saute the sliced small onion in olive oil over medium heat, and after they have softened, sprinkle in the ingredients until onions are crispy and coated in a garlicky breading. Set aside for later.

In your favorite large pot, saute the leftover ham over medium-high heat, and let the juices remain in the pan. Remove the ham. Now add the butter and melt it into the ham juices over medium-low heat (hello flavor!).

When the butter is fully melted and a little golden, add the flour and slowly mix in to create a roux-like mixture. Slowly pour in the milk and stir the mixture together and add the cheeses (it will be thin right now, but just wait), and bring to a good simmer and let the sauce get thick and bubbly. Sprinkle in plenty of garlic powder, pepper, dried parsley and some sea salt. Allow the mixture to thicken and take it off the heat. Give it a taste and add more seasoning as you see fit.

Spray a 9×13 glass pan with non-stick spray and spread out half of the potato slices (that have been salted and peppered and have had time to dry). Then pour half of the cheese sauce over these lovely little taters. Sprinkle half of the ham on top of that. Add another layer of potatoes and cheese sauce and ham, and now: spread out the onion layer on top of these. Spread some shredded cheddar over to the top for good measure, and cover the dish with aluminum foil.

Heat oven to 400°, and bake the dish, covered for 35 minutes. Take the foil off and bake the dish for another 15-20 minutes until everything is happily golden, cheesy and melty.

J and I helped ourselves to half the pan, and served it with English muffin garlic-toasts. In our defense, we didn’t have much of a breakfast and it was completely irresistible!

a difference maker

We all struggle. We get angry, we scream, we cry, we give up, we sometimes throw things (or at least I do – isn’t this normal?).

But the ones who love us, our people, are still there.

He knows my darkest places. He’s endured and stayed strong for me, and picked up the pieces when my anxiety-riddled brain has broken down on him today, this week, this year. He’s fought back during arguments and jabs on the little things, and in the same day, he still comes around, ready to wrap his arms around me, choosing to see me for the goodness and beauty within me.

So my friends, if you have a person (or persons) like that, take the time to think about and value that, and be grateful for that. And if you think you don’t have those people, open your heart and see what’s possible. Drop the shame and the blame and the guilt and move forward.

Today is a brand-new day, (and trust me, you don’t what a total damn mess I got myself into this weekend), but in a way these extremely painful moments in life are actually really brief, and they happen because we’re on the edge of something new, a light breaking through.

Just because we’ve been somewhere before or in this argument before, doesn’t mean new meaning or understanding isn’t possible.

Many times, it’s the ugly, angry, vulnerable conversations and unwanted places in life that allow us to create true meaning and fulfillment in our lives: a fresh-air perspective on life, the best, deepest, most meaningful love of your life, a closer & stronger friendship, or a renewal in your family.

Friends, we are all human. Full of emotions, doubts and fears. We make mistakes of all kinds. Emotions can be risky and nasty, and sometimes cripplingly terrifying. But we also possess so much more courage and bravery and strength than we even know, and it is in our vulnerability that we prove our willingness to be open to change, so that we might reach an incredibly meaningful and almost spiritual level of humanhood.

And to me, that’s why we’re all inhabiting this planet. To learn and grow, to help, to love, to inspire.

But it takes courage and it takes heart to try the new path that has been opened for you, to release into and to trust the light that is finally peaking through the long-felt darkness or anxiousness. But sweeties, this is magic happening –  if you allow it.

Don’t fool yourself into thinking that how today was is how it’s always going to be, no matter how old you are or what you’ve endured. Let yourself feel the low-level emotions and pains of life, don’t push them away. Allow their presence to be, just as they are, then take a courageous breath and walk on into a new, loving day, full of possibilities.

With love, M.

Sos you know, this was inspired by an exceptionally early rise this gorgeous, sunny, Saturday in January, after a rough few days that blossomed into a beautiful newness, while blasting “Difference Maker” and other songs from NEEDTOBREATHE’s album Rivers in the Wasteland (which by the way is one of the most energizingly-emotional-full-of-hope albums in the recent 2010’s).

I then added to this post, after being inspired by these two TED talks: The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage, and “Good” and “Bad” Are Incomplete Stories We Tell Ourselves.

hello there!

Nothing in life is known ahead of time. I may not know exactly where this road leads, but I do know that I am inspired to share some of this life’s small and simple pleasures with you from behind and around the walls of our sweet home, Little Grey.

Thank you for joining me, it’s an honor to have you with me. I hope to be a source of light and inspiration to you in a world that can be so dark. I strive to be a reminder of the beautiful imperfection of being a human being, living in the moment as often as I can muster. And sometimes, I’m silly too (which helps make this psychology-nerd more approachable to those that are less comfy with that type of thing). 🙂

In honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I wanted to share these beautiful quotes that remind us of our responsibility to love ourselves and to give to the world around us, finding our continual purpose and meaning in this life each day.

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

Let me just say, my fellow humans, that if you’re not willing to stretch your heart or mind or soul out to something or someone (maybe even yourself), you won’t be able to gain the pure joy that comes from being alive. Instead, maybe you’ll settle into fear or false judgements of yourself and others. And that is not very pleasant. Trust me, I’ve been there (too often).

Know this. Life is joy. Life is happiness. Life is pain. Life is spiraling anxiety and depression. Life is unimaginable clarity and peace and soothing love. Life is forever changing and an incredible gift. Make it happen sweethearts, take a breath and let’s keep moving forward!

Your friend, M.